My Approach
My approach to counseling is rooted in compassion focused therapy (CFT), which was developed by Paul Gilbert, a British clinical psychologist. Although it is still not very well known in this country, it is similar in some ways to the better known cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), certain elements of Buddhist practice, and other cognitive therapies that involve a detailed examination of our thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.
I believe that a lack of self-compassion underlies many of the mental health challenges that we face in our lives, whether this manifests as anxiety, depression, shame, or lowered self-esteem. Our brains are wonderful things, and they do a great job of alerting us to potential threats in our environment. However, sometimes our brains can be very tricky, and they can lead us to accept blame for things that are outside of our control. What starts out as a potentially beneficial episode of self-examination might quickly turn into a withering self-critique or even an attack upon our whole self-concept.
In my work with clients, I encourage them to take a softer, gentler view of themselves and their struggles. This doesn't mean that I will provide endless validation and encouragement to stay positive. Life is not always positive. What I do try to do is to encourage a deeper, more complete understanding and acceptance of lives and the struggles that we face. When we face our challenges with a sense of loving kindness, we can use our tricky brains to our own benefit. We can become best friends with ourselves.
As we start to cultivate a deeper sense of understanding and empathy for ourselves, our compassion "muscles" become stronger. Gradually in my sessions with clients, we might start to look at the world outside ourselves with deeper understanding and acceptance. Where once we saw enemies, we might start to see complicated individuals who are enduring their own personal sufferings. Although these individuals might still be dangerous or tricky in ways, we can at least start to view them with a more nuanced, complete lens.
Finally, we might start to look at the ways that we set ourselves up to receive compassion from others. The dominant culture in our society teaches us that we should be islands of independence and self-reliance. I disagree with this viewpoint, and I deeply believe that most people are fed personally by helping others and being interconnected. Sometimes we end up in a place, however, where we feel cut off from others and any potential help from the outside, and we usually don't have any conscious idea of how we ended up in this situation. Together, we can come up with strategies to bring us closer to the people around us and to ultimately become a part of a larger caring community.